- July 8, 2014
- Posted by: admin
- Category: Autum Winter 2013 Newsletters
On the lighter side……….?
Note for teacher!!
Female teachers in the Chinese province of Jiangsu have been told that they must get a note signed by their head teacher before they can become pregnant!
A supermarket worker from Somerset, who had used up her holiday entitlement, took a week’s sick leave, and then went to Magaluf on holiday. Staying at the same hotel was…the Supermarket Manager!! The Return to work discussion would have been interesting.
A man, from Merthyr Tydfil, off sick from work due to stress, found himself in the news headlines recently for grappling with a shark to protect some children off the coast of Australia. He lost his job on return to the UK and presumably is now looking for work as a shark wrestler in his local village.
Employees at a Chinese factory outside Beijing thought that the boss planned to close the plant; so they took him hostage for 6 days. The American boss was held by 100 angry employees! Apparently holding your boss hostage is not an unusual occurrence in Chinese Labour disputes; let’s hope the UK unions do not follow suit.
Pole dancer – employee or not??
A claim (unfair dismissal) has been made against Stringfellows nightclub by a woman plying her trade as a pole dancer – pole being a part of the act rather than her nationality (I am guessing!). She alleges she is an Employee with mutuality of obligation; the Employer argues it is not employment. The Tribunal said she was not an Employee; the EAT thought she was; then the Court of Appeal said she wasn’t an employee.
Let’s hope she does not go to the Supreme Court as she might meet a few of her clients??
May the Force be with you!!
A man aged 65 claimed Age Discrimination when he was made redundant. His evidence included being called Yoda by his colleagues; who also changed his car number plate from OAB to OAP. The Tribunal described Yoda as a small wizened character who is several hundred years old. And I guess his claim form was an ET !
Wigan Council executive was told to be less impersonal in his communications with staff, so added some personal info in his next message. He told staff that he was getting married and could not wait to go on holiday to Fuerteventura; he was really looking forward to it. Nothing wrong with that you say… but the mail he signed off was about job losses. Ouch!.
Creative Reasons for absence and misconduct! (Thanks to Kate Russell for these!)
- I found a dead body on the way to work this morning.
- I caught Gulf War syndrome from a mate.
- I did not know I was fired because I can’t read.
- I was kidnapped and held hostage for 3 days.
- I thought it was ok to sell the office stationary.
- My rabbit ran away and there are foxes in the area.
- Someone must have hacked my email and sent that without my knowledge.
Fired! The bad puns…
- I used to work as a balloon pilot but my status was up in the air.
- I used to be a butcher but I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.
- I used to be an optician but I made a spectacle of myself.
- I used to work in a dairy. I got fired for getting in the whey.
- I was working in an orange juice factory but I couldn’t concentrate
- I wanted to be a chef. I thought it would add a little spice to my life but it turned out I didn’t have the thyme, so they gave me the chop.
- I was once a tailor. It was a so-so job but I wasn’t suited to it.
- I was once a lumberjack. I couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
- I had a job working in the deli but no matter how I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
- I got a job as a historian but there was no future in that. I”m not bitter, must look forward not back.
The Court of Appeal has recently held that a male to female transsexual, who married his wife years before the sex change, (and who turned 60 before the Gender Recognition Act was in force) is entitled to a state pension at 60 as a female; even though she is still married… and has a wife!
Strange euphemisms for redundancy
- We think that fewer people will be wearing more hats
- We’re giving you time to pursue other opportunities
- We’re focusing on involuntary attrition
- We think you’re missing a trick by not getting out there and going for some juicy contract work
- We’re giving you indefinite unpaid leave with the option to pursue new employment
- We’re eliminating redundancy
- We’re smart-sizing
- We’re redeploying workers with excess capacity to areas where demand matches the market
- We’re rewiring for growth
- You’re not being fired. We’re simply eliminating this position
- We don’t know how this office would run without you, but as of Monday, we’re going to try and find out
- We’re promoting you to a position you’re more suited for with a different employer in the future
- We’re inviting you to be successful elsewhere
Thanks for reading… the next update is April 2014.
Best wishes, Derek