- July 8, 2014
- Posted by: admin
- Category: Spring Summer 2014 Newsletters
On the lighter side……….?
Quote from the Denver Post: “As with Alcohol, you are not allowed to ingest marijuana in the office. If you do, ensure you do not put anyone at risk.” Sound advice then.
A grey area?
On training courses I have been joking for years that Grandparents should get the right to time off to look after children, usually grandchildren. The TUC have now taken me literally and have started a campaign for unpaid time off for working grandparents!
According to (American) research you are less likely to be promoted if you have a beard or moustache. No mention of whether this is for men or women though. The research mentions a “facial hair ceiling”, distinctly disturbing eh?
Note for teacher!!
Female teachers in the Chinese province of Jiangsu have been told that they must get a note signed by their head teacher before they can become pregnant!
- State executioner in Egypt…not a dead end role then?
- Sewage Inspector Thames Water – a sense of adventure when diving into historic tunnels
- Crime Scene cleaner – bringing dignity back to families after a death.
- Embalmer for Mortuary. Been practicing on Barry Manilow then?
A supermarket worker from Somerset, who had used up her holiday entitlement, took a week’s sick leave, and then went to Magaluf on holiday. Staying at the same hotel was ….the Supermarket Manager!! The Return to work discussion would have been interesting.
A man, from Merthyr Tydfil, off sick from work due to stress, found himself in the news headlines recently for grappling with a shark to protect some children off the coast of Australia. He lost his job on return to the UK and presumably is now looking for work as a shark wrestler in his local village.
Employees at a Chinese factory outside Beijing thought that the boss planned to close the plant; so they took him hostage for 6 days. The American boss was held by 100 angry employees! Apparently holding your boss hostage is not an unusual occurrence in Chinese Labour disputes; let’s hope the UK unions do not follow suit.
May the Force be with you!!
A man aged 65 claimed Age Discrimination when he was made redundant. His evidence included being called Yoda by his colleagues; who also changed his car number plate from OAB to OAP. The Tribunal described Yoda as a small wizened character who is several hundred years old. And I guess his claim form was an ET !
Wigan Council executive was told to be less impersonal in his communications with staff, so added some personal info in his next message. He told staff that he was getting married and could not wait to go on holiday to Fuerteventura; he was really looking forward to it. Nothing wrong with that you say …. but the mail he signed off was about job losses. Ouch!.
Creative Reasons for absence and misconduct! (Thanks to Kate Russell for these!)
- I found a dead body on the way to work this morning.
- I caught Gulf War syndrome from a mate.
- I did not know I was fired because I can’t read.
- I was kidnapped and held hostage for 3 days.
- I thought it was ok to sell the office stationary.
- My rabbit ran away and there are foxes in the area.
- Someone must have hacked my email and sent that without my knowledge.
Strange euphemisms for redundancy
- We think that fewer people will be wearing more hats
- We’re giving you time to pursue other opportunities
- We’re focusing on involuntary attrition
- We think you’re missing a trick by not getting out there and going for some juicy contract work
- We’re giving you indefinite unpaid leave with the option to pursue new employment
- We’re eliminating redundancy
- We’re smart-sizing
- We’re redeploying workers with excess capacity to areas where demand matches the market
- We’re rewiring for growth
- You’re not being fired. We’re simply eliminating this position
- We don’t know how this office would run without you, but as of Monday, we’re going to try and find out
- We’re promoting you to a position you’re more suited for with a different employer in the future
- We’re inviting you to be successful elsewhere
Thanks for reading …. The next update is October 2014.
Best wishes, Derek